From within

I practice now, descending on five breaths to touch bottom, ideally having shed topside mind and any thoughts that feed on my untended wounds, to find her, the angel who has been by my side since before birth. She guided me first to the home that would be ground for the life I am now leading. She promised me then, though at times I have forgotten the sound and warmth of that whisper, that she would stay with me and help me hold anything that becomes too heavy.

On those breaths I go down to meet her again, to ask my questions, and question her answers. She expects this and tells me not to worry - she's glad I am learning to do intentionally now what I have always done by reflex, to bring our gifts from within and deploy them as acts, words, kindnesses.

Today I have greeted her, though I still don't know her name or how to thank her. Today I have invited her to meet you, and to speak as if she held this pen. Here in the light of the World Above, she gives me a name to use, for now or forever. Her name is Amanda - Beloved. It is my name too, a good one from my lineage that at last I can breathe aloud.