Much to my surprise…

I cannot make a decision. Nor can I take anyone's good advice. Plenty of freedom, plenty of choices. And yet, here I sit. I've bought airplane tickets four times, and then cancelled them. One good outcome of the COVID years is that you can actually perform this silliness again and again -- as long as you don't leave more than 23 hours between one decisive moment and the next one.

Holiday travel, holiday cards, the wrapping of some carefully chosen presents. And really, if I'm honest, just some stuff I bought and then wondered -- who is this for?

Responsibility holds me fast in place. I feel tugged by too many "shoulds." I know I've lost track of what I really want to do. I'm wandering in the woods of Christmas past and present, trying somehow to divine what might satisfy my future self. When I look back at these days between the solstice and the new year, what will I wish I had done? Which set of carefully arranged puzzle pieces will feel the most like me?

This morning I woke thinking: Do nothing. Change nothing. Change everything. I just don't know. __